Sigh.
It's hard not being able to express how I feel.
No one to lean on.
No one whom I can truly trust.
No one whom I can really rant on.
And to find, the one, who wouldn't break my fragile heart.
I mean COME ON.
Thrice?
It's all sweeeeeeeeeet and all in the beginning.
Ah, the attention, the amount of care, the innocence of it all..
The love!
Freaking delightful.
And then BAM.
"Where are we?"
"We're friend."
"Really..?"
"Yes really."
"JUST friends?"
"Yes."
"Did something happened that led to this sudden change?"
*silence*
I'm fine with waiting, a year, 2 years, heck, I'll even wait 3 years.
But, I need, reassurance.
After what happened to me in the past, I just can't bear the possibility of history repeating, another, fucking, time.
Oh how much it hurts.
The years of waiting.
The betrayal.
The heartache.
And the pretentiousness.
The effect lasts for years..
I'm observant, I know when something is off...
When something has changed, and when it's not the same anymore.
Heck, I even knew something was off on my 2nd one.
But nooo, I brushed it off!
I kept telling myself, "it's just my feeling, my silly lil self-consciousness!"
And walla, what do we have?
"I need some time.."
"Huh? Really?"
"Yea.."
"Is that all you can say?"
"I guess so.."
"..."
"You take care okay.."
*bla bla bla bla bla, excuses, excuses, excuses.*
Oh what would I give for an ounce of honesty..
Took me like, what, 6 freaking months to get over it?
Oh sure much better than the 1st one..
Where are the fabled innocent, naive, and faithful girls?
Or am I that damn bad at choosing girls.
I was never at the other end.
I'm always the one fixing shits.
The one that keeps holding on.
The one that gets the major blow.
The one that loves sincerely.
The one that is always left hanging.
And the one, that hoped, everything would work out.
Who cares what others think?
Who cares what you do with your life?
Who cares if they found out?
I'm not, a one-nighter.
I won't leave you hanging.
I will never, ever, hurt you.
I will always be by your side, always.
I'm not what people say, "a joy ride."
You cut me, I bleed.
You cry, I care.
You get upset, I'd break my back to find out who or what was the cause.
You rant on me, I listen.
When you need me, you just have to ring.
When you love me, it's the only thing I can ever ask for.
And when you ignore me, I, break.
Is there anyone out there who I can trust my heart with?
When I open my heart, no one failed to break it thus far.
Should I ever, open my heart again?
Or will I ever, open my heart again?
I'm sick of getting hurt, sick.
Can anyone prove me wrong?
Can you, prove me wrong?
Please?
Sigh.
Ily.
I don't wanna let you go, so please prove me wrong.
I was afraid to say those 3 words.
Time and time again, those 3 words meant nothing to the people I say it to.
When they said, Ily too, I melted.
I believe they meant it.
When I think back, and I imagine that they were just saying it for the sake of it, my world came crashing down.
I want the moment when I say Ily, means the world to you.
I'm afraid to let my heart be vulnerable again.
I can't bear to go through the phase again.
I'm afraid, just, afraid..
I loved the sweet talks.
I loved the innocence that is us.
I loved the attention that you gave me.
I loved it when you give me pet names.
I loved your irresistible smile, your sweet, sweet smile..
And I loved it when I thought my feelings for you are mutual.
You, managed to pull me up.
You, made me believe in it again.
You, managed to open the gates to my heart again..
The one I never thought I'll ever open again..
When I go to bed, I think of you.
And when I wake up, I'll check my phone.
Every morning, i hope of seeing your text.
But it rarely happens so.
It has always been me who starts the conversation lately.
It wasn't like that last time..
When you did text me, my heart jumped for joy.
Even the slightest of cheerfulness in your text, made my day.
I don't wanna be friends, it's not that simple.
When you said that, my heart just sank..
I want to be your special someone, your significant other.
Or at the least, a reassurance of it happening..
Heh..
I never thought I'll ever dedicate a post this long to a girl..
I wrote this post, in mind of keeping it short.
But I just kept going, and going, and going.
You mean that much to me.
I guess I'll end it here..
It's already morning... Heh..
Signing off..
I love you.
"You are my very first thought in the morning, and my last at nightfall."
-Westlife, Obvious.
♥
It's hard not being able to express how I feel.
No one to lean on.
No one whom I can truly trust.
No one whom I can really rant on.
And to find, the one, who wouldn't break my fragile heart.
I mean COME ON.
Thrice?
It's all sweeeeeeeeeet and all in the beginning.
Ah, the attention, the amount of care, the innocence of it all..
The love!
Freaking delightful.
And then BAM.
"Where are we?"
"We're friend."
"Really..?"
"Yes really."
"JUST friends?"
"Yes."
"Did something happened that led to this sudden change?"
*silence*
I'm fine with waiting, a year, 2 years, heck, I'll even wait 3 years.
But, I need, reassurance.
After what happened to me in the past, I just can't bear the possibility of history repeating, another, fucking, time.
Oh how much it hurts.
The years of waiting.
The betrayal.
The heartache.
And the pretentiousness.
The effect lasts for years..
I'm observant, I know when something is off...
When something has changed, and when it's not the same anymore.
Heck, I even knew something was off on my 2nd one.
But nooo, I brushed it off!
I kept telling myself, "it's just my feeling, my silly lil self-consciousness!"
And walla, what do we have?
"I need some time.."
"Huh? Really?"
"Yea.."
"Is that all you can say?"
"I guess so.."
"..."
"You take care okay.."
*bla bla bla bla bla, excuses, excuses, excuses.*
Oh what would I give for an ounce of honesty..
Took me like, what, 6 freaking months to get over it?
Oh sure much better than the 1st one..
Where are the fabled innocent, naive, and faithful girls?
Or am I that damn bad at choosing girls.
I was never at the other end.
I'm always the one fixing shits.
The one that keeps holding on.
The one that gets the major blow.
The one that loves sincerely.
The one that is always left hanging.
And the one, that hoped, everything would work out.
Who cares what others think?
Who cares what you do with your life?
Who cares if they found out?
I'm not, a one-nighter.
I won't leave you hanging.
I will never, ever, hurt you.
I will always be by your side, always.
I'm not what people say, "a joy ride."
You cut me, I bleed.
You cry, I care.
You get upset, I'd break my back to find out who or what was the cause.
You rant on me, I listen.
When you need me, you just have to ring.
When you love me, it's the only thing I can ever ask for.
And when you ignore me, I, break.
Is there anyone out there who I can trust my heart with?
When I open my heart, no one failed to break it thus far.
Should I ever, open my heart again?
Or will I ever, open my heart again?
I'm sick of getting hurt, sick.
Can anyone prove me wrong?
Can you, prove me wrong?
Please?
Sigh.
Ily.
I don't wanna let you go, so please prove me wrong.
I was afraid to say those 3 words.
Time and time again, those 3 words meant nothing to the people I say it to.
When they said, Ily too, I melted.
I believe they meant it.
When I think back, and I imagine that they were just saying it for the sake of it, my world came crashing down.
I want the moment when I say Ily, means the world to you.
I'm afraid to let my heart be vulnerable again.
I can't bear to go through the phase again.
I'm afraid, just, afraid..
I loved the sweet talks.
I loved the innocence that is us.
I loved the attention that you gave me.
I loved it when you give me pet names.
I loved your irresistible smile, your sweet, sweet smile..
And I loved it when I thought my feelings for you are mutual.
You, managed to pull me up.
You, made me believe in it again.
You, managed to open the gates to my heart again..
The one I never thought I'll ever open again..
When I go to bed, I think of you.
And when I wake up, I'll check my phone.
Every morning, i hope of seeing your text.
But it rarely happens so.
It has always been me who starts the conversation lately.
It wasn't like that last time..
When you did text me, my heart jumped for joy.
Even the slightest of cheerfulness in your text, made my day.
I don't wanna be friends, it's not that simple.
When you said that, my heart just sank..
I want to be your special someone, your significant other.
Or at the least, a reassurance of it happening..
Heh..
I never thought I'll ever dedicate a post this long to a girl..
I wrote this post, in mind of keeping it short.
But I just kept going, and going, and going.
You mean that much to me.
I guess I'll end it here..
It's already morning... Heh..
Signing off..
I love you.
"You are my very first thought in the morning, and my last at nightfall."
-Westlife, Obvious.
♥
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